12 Tone Scale: The thing the State Police weigh your tractor trailor truck with.
A 440: The highway that runs around Nashville.
Aeolian Mode: How you like Mama’s cherry pie.
Altos: Not to be confused with “Tom’s toes,” “Bubba’s toes” or “Dori-toes.”
Arpeggio: “Ain’t he that storybook kid with the big nose that grows?”
Bach Chorale: The place behind the barn where you keep the horses.
Bass: The things you run around in Softball.
Bassoon: Typical response when asked what you hope to catch and when.
Big Band: When the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players.
Bossa Nova: The car your foreman drives.
Cadenza: The ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair off when company comes.
Cello: The proper way to answer the phone.
Clarinet: Name for your second daughter if you’ve already used Betty Jo.
Clef: What you try to never fall off of.
Bass Clef: Where you wind up if you do fall off.
Conductor: The man who punches your ticket to Birmingham.
Cut Time: Parole.
Cymbal: What they use on deer-crossing signs so you know what to sight-in your pistol with.
Diminished 5th: An empty bottle of Jack Daniels.
1st Inversion: Grandpa’s battle group at Normandy.
Major Scale: What you say after chasing wild game up a mountain; “Whew!” That was a major scale!”
Melodic Min.: Loretta Lynn’s singing dad.
Minor 3rd: Your approximate age & grade at the completion of formal schooling.
Order of Sharps: What a wimp gets at the bar.
Passing Tone: Frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues.
Perfect 5th: A full bottle of Jack Daniels.
Perfect Pitch: The smooth coating on a freshly paved road.
Pianissimo: “Refill this beer bottle.”
Portamento: A foreign country you’ve always wanted to see.
1/4 tone: What most standard pickups can haul.
Relative Major: An uncle in the Marine Corps.
Relative Minor: A girlfriend.
Repeat: What you do until they just expel you.
Ritard: There’s one in every family.
Sonata: What you get from a bad cold or hay fever.
Staccato: How you did all your ceilings in your mobile home.
Tempo: Good choice for a used car.
Time Signature: What you need from your boss if your forget to clock in.
Transpositions: Men who wear dresses.
Treble: Women ain’t nothin’ but.
Tuba: A compound word: “Hey, woman! Fetch me another tuba Bryll Cream!”
Whole Note: What’s due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year.