Country Musicians Music Lingo

Posted on 16th October 2010 in Country Music Jokes

12 Tone Scale:  The thing the State Police weigh your tractor trailor truck with.

A 440: The highway that runs around Nashville.

Aeolian Mode:  How you like Mama’s cherry pie.

Altos:  Not to be confused with “Tom’s toes,” “Bubba’s toes” or “Dori-toes.”

Arpeggio: “Ain’t he that storybook kid with the big nose that grows?”

Bach Chorale: The place behind the barn where you keep the horses.

Bass: The things you run around in Softball.

Bassoon: Typical response when asked what you hope to catch and when.

Big Band: When the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players.

Bossa Nova: The car your foreman drives.

Cadenza: The ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair off when company comes.

Cello: The proper way to answer the phone.

Clarinet: Name for your second daughter if you’ve already used Betty Jo.

Clef: What you try to never fall off of.

Bass Clef: Where you wind up if you do fall off.

Conductor: The man who punches your ticket to Birmingham.

Cut Time: Parole.

Cymbal: What they use on deer-crossing signs so you know what to sight-in your pistol with.

Diminished 5th: An empty bottle of Jack Daniels.

1st Inversion: Grandpa’s battle group at Normandy.

Major Scale: What you say after chasing wild game up a mountain; “Whew!” That was a major scale!”

Melodic Min.: Loretta Lynn’s singing dad.

Minor 3rd: Your approximate age & grade at the completion of formal schooling.

Order of Sharps: What a wimp gets at the bar.

Passing Tone: Frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues.

Perfect 5th: A full bottle of Jack Daniels.

Perfect Pitch: The smooth coating on a freshly paved road.

Pianissimo: “Refill this beer bottle.”

Portamento: A foreign country you’ve always wanted to see.

1/4 tone: What most standard pickups can haul.

Relative Major: An uncle in the Marine Corps.

Relative Minor: A girlfriend.

Repeat: What you do until they just expel you.

Ritard: There’s one in every family.

Sonata: What you get from a bad cold or hay fever.

Staccato: How you did all your ceilings in your mobile home.

Tempo: Good choice for a used car.

Time Signature: What you need from your boss if your forget to clock in.

Transpositions: Men who wear dresses.

Treble: Women ain’t nothin’ but.

Tuba: A compound word: “Hey, woman! Fetch me another tuba Bryll Cream!”

Whole Note: What’s due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year.

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