Caught With Pants Down

Posted on 17th October 2010 in Farm Jokes

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?”

Farmer: “Some things you just can’t explain.”

Man: “So what happened that’s so horrible?”

Farmer: “Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket.”

Man: “Ok, but that’s not so bad.”

Farmer: “Some things you just can’t explain.”

Man: “So what happened then?”

Farmer: “I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.”

Man: “And then?”

Farmer: “Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.”

Man: “Again?”

Farmer: “Some things you just can’t explain.”

Man: “So, what did you do then?”

Farmer: “I took her right leg this time, and tied it to the post on the right.”

Man: “And then?”

Farmer: “Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, when the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.”

Man: “Hmmm . . . “

Farmer: “Some things you just can’t explain.”

Man: “So, then what did you do?”

Farmer: “Well, I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in.”

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Pull Buster Pull

Posted on 17th October 2010 in Animal Jokes, Country Jokes, Farm Jokes, For the Kids

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull.” Buddy didn’t move.

Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull.” Buddy didn’t respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Jennie, pull.” Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull.” And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, “Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!”

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Planting Chickens

Posted on 17th October 2010 in Country Jokes, Farm Jokes

A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks.

“That’s a lot of chicks,” commented the proprietor. “I mean business,” the city slicker replied.

A week later the yuppie was back again. “I need another 100 chicks,” he said. “Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming,” the man told him.

“Yeah,” the yuppie replied. “If I can iron out a few problems.” “Problems?” asked the proprietor. “Yeah,” replied the yuppie, “I think I planted that last batch too close together.”

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Politicians

Posted on 17th October 2010 in Country Jokes, Farm Jokes

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer’s field.

Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer, “Were they all dead?”

The old farmer replied, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know how them politicians lie.”

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Old Australian Battler

Posted on 17th October 2010 in Farm Jokes

An old Australian battler lies dying in his bed. He calls over Shirley, his faithful wife of 60 years, and says, “Shirl, when we started out, tried to buy a business in the depression, went bust: you were with me”
“Oh, yes, Bruce”, she says.
Then the war started, I joined up, and was sent to the front line, where I lost me legs. You stayed with me.”
“Oh yes, Bruce” she says.
“Then, came home, couldn’t get a job, due to me disability, and bought a farm.”
“Oh, yes, Bruce”, she says.
“The farm flooded, then just when we got over that, there was a bushfire, and then the drought, which wiped us right out: you still stayed with me.”
“Oh yes, Bruce,”
“Now here I am, in excruciating pain, about to die, useless and you’re still with me.”
“Yes Bruce.”
“Shirl.”
“Yes, Bruce?”
“You’re bloody bad luck”

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Bogged

Posted on 17th October 2010 in Country Jokes, Farm Jokes, For the Kids

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.

The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, “You know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today.”

The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, “When do you have time to plough your land? At night?”

“No,” the young farmer replied seriously, “Night is when I put the water in the hole.”

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Neurotic Pig

Posted on 17th October 2010 in Animal Jokes, Farm Jokes, For the Kids

Q: Did you hear about the farmer you ploughed his field with a steamroller ?
A: He wanted to grow mash potatoes!

Q: What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?
A: You take me for grunted.

Q: When is a farmer like a magician?
A: When he turns his cow to pasture.

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Cattle with a sense of humor

Posted on 17th October 2010 in Animal Jokes, Farm Jokes, For the Kids

Q: Why did the farmer call his pig “Ink”?
A: Because it was always running out of the pen.

Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock.

Q: Why can’t the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He has got no beef.

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Bigger Than Texas

Posted on 17th October 2010 in Farm Jokes

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large”.

Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, ” We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows”.

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those”?

The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas”?

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Hostile Farmer

Posted on 17th October 2010 in Country Jokes, Farm Jokes

A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.

The farmer said, “That’s once.”

A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.

The farmer said, “That’s twice.”

After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again.

The farmer didn’t say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.

His brand new bride yelled, telling him, “That was an awful thing to do.”

The farmer said, “That’s once.”

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