An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull.” Buddy didn’t move.
Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull.” Buddy didn’t respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Jennie, pull.” Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull.” And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, “Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!”
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, “You know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today.”
The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, “When do you have time to plough your land? At night?”
“No,” the young farmer replied seriously, “Night is when I put the water in the hole.”
Q: Did you hear about the farmer you ploughed his field with a steamroller ?
A: He wanted to grow mash potatoes!
Q: What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?
A: You take me for grunted.
Q: When is a farmer like a magician?
A: When he turns his cow to pasture.
Q: Why did the farmer call his pig “Ink”?
A: Because it was always running out of the pen.
Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock.
Q: Why can’t the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He has got no beef.
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, “Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?”
The farmer replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.”
“How?” asks the man, puzzled.
“Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field.”
John was hard at work with the broom in his family’s tent.
His mother came in and said, ‘That’s nice. Are you sweeping out the tent?’
‘No,’ John answered. ‘I’m sweeping out the dirt.’
Cindy and Mindy were walking through a field. Suddenly they saw a huge bull heading toward them. Cindy started shaking.
‘Don’t act so scared,’ her friend said.
‘I’m not acting!’ Cindy muttered.
Terry and Debbie were camping with their parents deep in the woods.
‘How far is it to town?’ Terry wanted to know.
‘Six miles,’ said Debbie.
‘That’s too far to walk,’ Terry replied.
‘It’s not too bad,’ Debbie said. ‘We can each walk three miles!’
Camper: Is it easy to milk a cow?
Farmer: Sure it is. Any jerk can do it.
Farmer: Cows are not good dancers.
Camper: How do you know?
Farmer: They have two left feet!
Camper: Look at that bunch of cows.
Farmer: Not bunch, herd.
Camper: Heard what?
Farmer: Of cows.
Camper: Sure I’ve heard of cows.
Farmer: No, I mean a cowherd.
Camper: So what? I have no secrets from cows!
Q: Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
A: Because their horns don’t work.