An old Australian battler lies dying in his bed. He calls over Shirley, his faithful wife of 60 years, and says, “Shirl, when we started out, tried to buy a business in the depression, went bust: you were with me”
“Oh, yes, Bruce”, she says.
Then the war started, I joined up, and was sent to the front line, where I lost me legs. You stayed with me.”
“Oh yes, Bruce” she says.
“Then, came home, couldn’t get a job, due to me disability, and bought a farm.”
“Oh, yes, Bruce”, she says.
“The farm flooded, then just when we got over that, there was a bushfire, and then the drought, which wiped us right out: you still stayed with me.”
“Oh yes, Bruce,”
“Now here I am, in excruciating pain, about to die, useless and you’re still with me.”
“Yes Bruce.”
“Shirl.”
“Yes, Bruce?”
“You’re bloody bad luck”
Old Australian Battler
Bigger Than Texas
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large”.
Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, ” We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows”.
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those”?
The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas”?